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Why I Pray, Why I Write

I woke this morning afraid and anxious about an upcoming meeting. Before OA, I would have felt stuffed from overeating and totally stressed-out from over-working to prepare. And/or I would have procrastinated and withdrawn into guilt and shame, avoided working, and rescheduled the meeting. I grew my fear instead of my strengths.

OA and prayer are my antidotes to fear. I cannot will myself into calm, but I can pray into it. I stop checking my phone, put it and my book aside, and ask my Higher Power to dial down the noise in my head. I pray because I have nowhere else to go.

I start by reading from “Voices of Recovery” or “For Today,” saying the third or seven step prayers and/or some from my faith tradition. It doesn’t matter how I begin, as long as I begin.

Nothing else matters during this sacred time. I pray because I need abstinence from spinning and destructive thinking, as much as I need abstinence from my trigger foods.

As prayer nourishes me, fear begins to lift. I take comfort, knowing that my Higher Power is bigger than my fear. The more I pray, the more I want to pray and the more automatic it becomes. I pray to exercise my spiritual muscle, to stay in fit spiritual condition and to be of service to my Higher Power.

Often, writing comes as an extension of prayer, as it did with this article.  I pray and write to nourish my soul and deepen my recovery. Now, a final thought. What if prayer was my FIRST resort instead of my last? I will work towards that.

—   Kate F.

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Keep It Simple

“For today, let me remember to keep it simple.” Voices of Recovery, p.351

All I have to do to keep my life simple is turn my will and my life over to the care of God, follow the OA Program 12 Steps, and utilize the Tools. As I read what I just wrote, I automatically sigh a sigh of relief. From my perspective, this is not difficult to do. I’ve been doing this to the best of my ability for many years. 

When I first joined OA, I thought there was going to be a food plan that someone was going to tell me to follow. But unlike all those lousy diets that I had started in my past, there was no food plan. Initially, I was confused, but eventually I trailblazed and with God’s help and the help of sponsors, I came up with my current food plan of proteins and carbs. It really works, and now I eat more healthfully than ever. 

My favorite tools are all the tools. I’ve learned to use them all, but I especially love attending meetings and being surrounded by all the loving and kind compulsive overeaters. And just as promised, my character defects were revealed to me and now, thanks to praying to HP for help to be relieved of them, they are seldomly in charge. 

So, it seems to me that I’m keeping it simple, just as the slogan suggests. And here are a couple of other OA slogans: “It works when we work it“, and “Together we get Better”.
—    Bobbi P

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I Am Abstinent No Matter What

A foot of snow is on the ground. I am abstinent.

These two statements don’t make much sense side-by-side, but they are linked.

When I was starving as a buffer between me and a snowstorm, a grey morning, a spring afternoon, a wedding, a message of bad news, a birthday party, they were all events that I could not bear. Life was just too difficult to be endured, so, I starved. I hated food and had since early childhood; there was always something that made it inedible. In my twenties, my revulsion toward food morphed into an obsession with starving. Starving made me feel powerful and in control.

Little did I know that starving was controlling me! Not eating was my preferred escape. It separated me from even the most mundane routines of life, such as opening mail and getting children to school. It was all just too much! I sustained myself on water and air as I hit my bottom.

Then a miracle happened, which I did not welcome. I was thrust into a treatment center that specialized in eating disorders! I did not know that what I did with food was disordered, not normal, or extreme. There I was confronted with food three times a day. Fortunately, there were peers there who told me they would sit with me for as long as it took for me to eat it all. I was slowly educated about the disease I have.

I realized I was afraid to eat because some insatiable hunger inside might be released, and I would never want to stop. Really, there was nothing to be afraid of because all I had to do was follow my food plan.

That was 29 years ago. I have been abstinent ever since, one meal at a time. My peers are now “you people.” I never have to be alone with my food behaviors again.

How could recovery be so simple when I had burdens of the world upon my shoulders? As I was guided, not so gently, through the Steps, I began to wake up and see people and things as they really had been and not as I had imagined them to be.

I was told to follow my food plan and ask for help. I was told to pray each day for abstinence and to thank my Higher Power at the end of each day.

Today, I am grateful to accept that I will always have this disease, but do not have to live in dis-ease! I follow a plan of eating that I do not create for myself; I have a nutritionist whom I trust. I follow my food plan no matter what: in airports when flights are cancelled, and vending machines are the only abstinent option; at children’s weddings; at funerals; and during beautiful snowstorms!

—  Anonymous

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Powerlessness and Serenity and Miracles

The topic of a meeting I attended yesterday, was the Serenity Prayer. All of us had something of deep personal meaning to share.

What proved fascinating was the differences, and the similarities, in the shares. Everyone said that reciting the prayer helped with coping better with life and COE. It helped us to remember to avoid trying to change the outside situation, over which we were powerless, but choosing to change ourselves.

A 91-year-fellow said she had no control over when she was going to die, and she had to find serenity that HP would make that life choice. Another shared how difficult it was to deal with parents who are suffering with dementia. She could not change their unreasonable thoughts and actions, but she could change her attitude about giving care to people who can no longer care for themselves. One person said she was powerless over her husband not picking up his dishes after a meal; she had to avoid trying to change her very loving husband; and she had to change her attitude about being the one to clear things away.

One COE said, when she became upset over a situation that she couldn’t change, just the four words, “Grant me the serenity”all by themselves, allowed her to calm down and handle the situation with more equanimity.

It was a great meeting. We do get better together, and prayer does work. Miracles in HP’s world.

— Annie Nimity

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Why I Sponsor

We sponsor because as it says in The Big Book, to keep our recovery, we have to give it away or pass it on. Step 12 says, “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry the message to other compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” Lasting recovery happens, in my forty years of experience in OA, when I follow the suggestions outlined in the 12 Steps through action and substitute them for the irrational behaviors of compulsive overeating.

I sponsor “to give back what has so generously been given to me” from previous sponsors as loving service. I try to pour all the love, acceptance, and encouragement that every previous sponsor has freely given me: to newcomers;  to those in relapse; to those emerging from relapse; or to those who just want to try a new sponsor. I am enriched in the process, my program gets strengthened, and my recovery deepens.

I sponsor to practice listening, to my Higher Power and my own sponsor for guidance and direction, besides listening to the sponsee. Checking in with HP and my sponsor helps keep me accountable and reminds me that I am not in control or in charge of the sponsee’s recovery. All I can do is offer my “experience, strength and hope.” Inner listening is part of Step 11, practicing prayer and meditation, so sponsoring helps keep me in “fit spiritual condition.“

At its healthiest, the sponsor/sponsee relationship is a sacred partnership to me, different from other friendships outside program. Respect, confidentiality and reciprocity nourish it, keep it healthy and help it grow. The opportunity to develop connections with people who understand me on an intimate level because we share the same disease is priceless. In listening, I am heard, too, and get to celebrate the values of recovery that guide my life.

—    Kate F.

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Short Descriptions for the Twelve Principles of the OA Traditions

Tradition 1 – Unity
Unity is especially important at my job in property management work.  It is important that staff and contractors are united about what our organization goals are for each property.  When do we rehab and when do we just do maintenance?  When we let tenant’s slide on late fees (Covid) and when we don’t… It is important in my family and with my friends.  It’s ok to have different opinions, but it is important they all are unified under my love and support for them.  It is important that I show them this, that I help keep the unity.  I’m learning to do this by “identifying-in” when I can, doing my best to find what we have in common, and going from there … always showing love and support, even when I disagree.

Tradition 2 – Trust
I trusted in my sponsors and the OA program until I could solidly trust my HP.   Trust is key when I attempt something new and when I’m unsure if I can do it.   I trust HP when all else fails. I take a breath and trust HP.

Tradition 3 – Identity
If I identify as a compulsive overeater, then I can be a member of OA and that is that.  No one can kick me out.  I have come across other 12-Step programs that I am exploring as I further my quest to be as recovered and free as possible in this program and in my life.  I love that there are so many different programs based on the 12-steps, and now that I’ve worked through the steps and understand them, I feel confident to investigate other’s ideas, take what is useful to my identity, and leave the rest.  

Tradition 4 – Autonomy
Autonomy means I can work the OA program (and live my life) the way I see fit.  Even if I’m wrong … and I’ve been wrong … as long as I don’t harm anyone else in OA or out.  This is important for me because I learn so much more from my mistakes.  After I face the hard, long part of realizing I made a mistake then, I really learn my lesson, lessons I can’t learn from reading the Big Book or even working with others.  Some things I just have to learn on my own, and autonomy gives me the ability to do it that way.  

Tradition 5 – Purpose
Purpose, or lack thereof, was my most used reason for quitting or giving up on my diets. What’s the purpose?  I couldn’t see a purpose for the suffering I’d endured while dieting. The OA program helped me find purpose.  It helped me stick with my food plan and action plan when things got tough. Then it gave me purpose to continue to stick with the plan by carrying this message of purpose to others. I know what my higher purpose is on this earth. Never got that from any diet!

Tradition 6 – Solidarity
Solidarity means unity of purpose. In OA we have a mutual responsibility to work the Steps and carry the message. I try not to let other ideals or people’s personalities get involved with this.  Despite many differences, we are United in our purpose. Helping keep this United front is how I practice solidarity.

Tradition 7 – Responsibility
Responsibility is being held accountable for things that are within one’s power, control, or management.  I stop being fearful, resentful, or harmful over things I cannot control. I turn them over to HP. Meanwhile, I accept responsibility for my part; daily routines that help keep me spiritually connected via immediate 10-Steps, constant prayer and meditation and sponsoring others on the 12-Steps. 

Tradition 8 – Fellowship
Fellowship is “companionship on equal terms and within a congenial atmosphere.”  I love the fellowship I find in OA. When I first came to the program, the fellowship allowed me peace and serenity so that I could eventually open up to a spiritual awakening. It was very gradual and up and down and I probably wouldn’t have gotten there without the fellowship. Particularly important, not as important as spiritual connection itself, but still, an essential element.  I practice it by attending meetings and doing service at the Intergroup level. 

Tradition 9 – Structure
This tradition can be very ambiguous. At first, we are asked not to organize, but then we may form service committees. I believe bureaucracy has its own set of problems and that is what we are trying to avoid here. When I get caught up in the “red tape” of how things should be done or how they’ve always been done or how many want things done, I can forget the goal. The goal in OA is recovery via the twelve steps. By concentrating on the goal, I don’t get caught up on other issues. I try to apply this to all areas of my life. 

Tradition 10 – Neutrality 
Having no opinions on outside issues helps keep our “eye on the prize!” (recovery – via the 12 Steps) I’ve heard the story of a previous fellowship that was successful in keeping alcoholics sober but, when they branched out to other topics, outside of alcoholism, that eventually led to their demise. When dealing with our cunning and baffling disease, it is best to stick with the main topic!  

When I did my first 4th Step in OA, I realized that my mind often became overwhelmed with outside issues.  When I concentrated on one issue at a time, the character defect that was blocking me from my HP, I could more easily find a solution.  When I have a problem at work or at home now, I take a breath and pause.  I do my best to remain objective and try to find a common solution.  If I cannot easily, I hold off before saying or committing to something.  I say to myself, “first, cause no harm.”  If I make a mistake and say or do something, I know might harm another, I quickly apologize and take a step away so I can collect my thoughts.  This ability to get “neutral” has helped me solve so many problems that used to leave me desperate!  I’m not perfect and I don’t try to be.  But I do see progress.

Tradition 11 – Anonymity 
The reason for anonymity is simple and complicated. When I first came to OA, I did not want people to know I attended meetings.  It was good to be anonymous.  The security in the rooms allowed me to openly admit being bulimic in high school and college. I had never done that before.  As I got recovered in OA, I learned I had an issue with gossip, something I never realized before. Anonymity meant I didn’t discuss others if it could in any way cause harm. I learned to discuss issues of sponsoring without naming people if it wasn’t necessary. I apply this to other areas of my life at work and with family members. It is hard sometimes to distinguish between gossiping about and helping people. This is the complicated part, but I am progressing. 

Tradition 12 – Spirituality 
“Spirituality” is it. This is what distinguishes OA from any other diet I’ve ever been on. Before OA, and especially as I got older and less crazy with my dieting, I found that all diets work. When I ate less and exercised more, I lost weight and felt better. But when this happened, all sorts of feelings came up. Eventually, I got depressed and angry; missing the only solution to my problems, I went back to the food. But with OA, I had a new solution. A spiritual connection to my HP gave me a reason to continue to eat healthy and stay away from my trigger foods and trigger behaviors. Via the twelve steps, I have learned how to keep this spiritual connection. My spirituality is the reason for continued recovery from compulsive eating.

—  Laura W.

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The Paradoxes of Recovery

Recovery is full of paradoxes. You know what I mean, things that seem to be contradictory, but when practiced, turn out to be true. The biggest paradox in program is that we must let it go to have it. For example, in Step One I had to admit the true nature of my problem. That I have a disease that caused me, without explanation, to pursue food like a drug and that my life was unmanageable. I spent my entire life in the chase. I was chasing after happiness, love, sex, success, power, money, and my dreams. And when none of my plans and expectations came true, I was filled with disappointment and sadness. So, instead, I chased after something that I could obtain and that gave me pleasure and distracted me from all those disappointments with life. It really did not matter what I was chasing. What mattered was that I was actively pursuing my goals. The amount of money and energy that I expended on the chase was exhausting. I get tired just thinking about it. The things I was able to succeed at getting, were fleeting at best, and so, there I was in the pursuit again. It was a never-ending quest for something that never quite satisfied my desire. 

When I came into OA, I was told I was going to have to surrender. This made no sense. Surrender, how can that be? I was taught by my parents that it was up to me and only me to create my dreams. That nobody was going to help me. That I was alone in my journey. And that God only helps those that help themselves. I had to take control, have confidence in myself, and get out there and just do it. But what I discovered was that the more I tried to control things and pursue things, the more they resisted my control and ran away. Especially people. Nobody ever wanted to cooperate with my agenda. I just did not get it. After all I knew better than everybody else, about what needed to be done. Yeah, I really believed my parents, I was all alone. It is no wonder that I spent much of my life chronically depressed and suicidal.

Surrender is paradoxical. When I came into OA, I was told that I had to let it go to have it. I had to stop chasing happiness to find it. I had to surrender my will (thoughts) and life (actions) over to the care of God, to get some sort of manageability into my life. Control was an illusion, and God does control everything. If I get out the way, God can and will take care of me. If I ask for help, people will help me. By giving away myself to other people, they will give back to me more than I ever had. I had to be a friend, to have friends. One thing that I have learned in OA is that I really know nothing. Acceptance is the answer to everything. Serenity is the opposite of expectations. I am only as sick as my secrets. I need let go of my defects of character, for God to take them. Nothing lives in a vacuum. God will not take my defects of character, without action to behave differently on my part. I need to forgive others, to be forgiven. Recovery is full of paradoxes.

Being a sponsor is paradoxical. The idea of sponsoring is that since I have done it, I can guide another person to it. But If I try to teach someone, they will most likely not receive it. I cannot fix anyone, and  they must want the solution to receive the solution. People are very resistant to change. They typically do not want to be told what to do. Yet, as a sponsor, I am supposed to help someone. But how can I do that if I cannot teach them? I discovered that all I can ever really do is share myself with someone. A better term than sponsor is a sharing partner. I can share my journey and what I have done to get recovery with another person. It is up to the other person to decide what to do with that. In fact, it is none of my business if they actually do it. I am only responsible for my own thoughts, feelings, and behavior. I am honored when someone does share their journey and life with me. I sponsor by being a friend. I am neither a therapist nor a teacher. It is not my place to tell someone how to lead their life. But yet, it is true when I say to someone, “If you want what I have, you need to do what I’ve done. If that does not work for you, then you are free to try something else.”  The funny thing about sponsoring is that I believe that when I do give myself self away, I get so much more back than what I give. Just another paradox, I guess.

If you think about it, recovery is really kind of selfish. Well, no, it is learning to be humble. I must take care of myself, so that I can be there for other people. I must put myself first, so that I can make other people important. If I am not working my program of recovery, then it is difficult for me to work for anything outside of myself. If I am not abstinent, then I am in bondage to the food and that creates crazy illogical thoughts. As a professional who is concerned with logic all day long, this is the kind of thing that just tickles my soul. The whole point of being in recovery is more than trying to beat an addiction. When I crossed-over the top of that hill, I discovered a whole mountain that I needed to climb. I had a taste of a good life and I wanted more. So, I started to climb that mountain of recovery, but there was no straight path to my goal. I was all over the place. I used to have a sponsor who would say to me, “the mountain of recovery is a wet mountain of glass. You are either climbing or you are sliding”. But then I learned that sometimes you must slide backwards to go forward. But isn’t it true that if you needed to slide backwards to learn your lesson, then while you are going backwards you are actually making forward progress? Ok, I will stop now, my head is hurting from all this deep thinking. 

I love being in recovery. My life is so much better than it was. We only look backwards to see how far we have come. And I can honestly say, I have come really far. But I know the journey is not done. Can I say I am finally recovered? Does that even matter? What matters is I am still breathing, and my heart is still beating. So, I keep on keeping on. I take one step and then another. I do not know how much further I have yet to walk in this adventure called life. I do not own a crystal ball. I do not need to know. I am grateful for today. And today I woke up.

—   Joel I.  

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What Does Recovered Mean to Me?

When I first heard the term recovered, I bristled, saying to myself we are never recovered, always recovering. Well, I found that the Big Book of Alcoholics says the word recovered several times, beginning with the forward to the first edition: “We of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have RECOVERED from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have RECOVERED is the main purpose of this book.”

I have learned that as long as I am eating soberly and living the 12 Steps to the best of my ability, I am capable of surrendering and accessing that power greater than myself. I can be recovered which means to me being restored to sanity with the food and with my life just for one day at a time. In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says: “Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced.” I loved to escape into my own little world and found that world in food, alcohol, and other activities that helped me not to feel or deal with the world as it was. I was always thinking “into tomorrow…”; “I’m going to”; “I wish”; “If only you were different”; and/or “If I was only thinner, younger, prettier, smarter, then I wouldn’t be so unhappy.” I gave everyone else power except my Higher Power. I am recovered today. My disease is in remission, as is my diabetes, as long as I am working and living the Steps each day, because I only have one day at a time. If I’m in the future or the past, today is wasted. I have my daily rituals to keep me in one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. Living soberly in mind, body, and spirit allows me to feel the love around me and appreciate what I have, not what I don’t have. 
— Deanna B.

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Finding Serenity During the Pandemic

On May 9, 2020, terrified by the pandemic and seeing the news say repeatedly that obesity was a comorbidity contributing to deaths from COVID-19, I was frightened into action. I was in the midst of a relapse when the pandemic hit, and it exacerbated my fears and disease, allowing me to gain 10 pounds in six short weeks as I ate and consoled myself with comfort foods. On the evening of May 8, I said to myself “this is my bottom”, just 14 pounds shy of my heaviest weight, and I made a promise to myself and to my Higher Power (HP) to begin my recovery from compulsive overeating.

I began attending an OA men’s meeting and my local OA meetings. I got a sponsor and worked the Twelve Steps with his loving guidance. I developed my plan of eating and stayed away from my corralled foods that I placed in the food corral. I prayed each day to my HP for the willingness. I made a second Step 4 inventory. I prayed for the willingness again and I made amends. I began a Step 10 nightly inventory that I practice almost every night. I became a sponsor and started doing service. 

What have I found in recovery? My serenity. My biggest character defects were anger and impatience. HP has replaced those with serenity. I prayed for my resentments to be lifted from me and they were. I prayed for the willingness to work the Steps and follow my plan of eating and I found and have maintained my abstinence. Through OA I have found the loving support of my local OA family and my Tuesday Men’s meeting OA family, who share my disease and understand me in a way most others never will. I have found a new home where I can be myself.

What have I lost in recovery? I have lost 64 pounds since May. I have lost the desire to even want to taste the foods that tempted me and led me to eat compulsively. I have lost the resentments that held me in the past so that I can focus on today. I have lost my fears and angst, as I now practice daily turning those over to HP. I have lost my low self-esteem, my shame and guilt, all lifted from me by HP. 

What have I found in recovery?  That the slogan we hear “Keep coming back, it works if you work it and you’re worth it, so work it!” is truth. Thanks to my HP and to the fellowship of OA.

— Peter N.

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To New Members

I was once where you are. Emotionally spent. I had been struggling alone with food and weight since puberty. Then I bumped into the Twelve Steps. It was in Overeaters Anonymous that I learned I had an incurable disease, not of my own doing, and there was a spiritual solution. 

My mind received messages about food that other people never heard. They didn’t have food battles to fight. My body responded differently to food than other people, like an allergy. Over time, because the disease is progressive, I became addicted to food as an alcoholic becomes addicted to alcohol. I didn’t understand how Let Go Let God worked, but the serenity in the meeting room and prayer to begin and end the meeting instilled hope. 

Here was an answer to prayer, and I was ready for action. Write down feelings. Stay off the scale. Quit micro-managing the food, just do moderate amounts and sit down at the table. Pick up the phone. Work the Steps. Make four columns. Make a list of harms done and ask for forgiveness. Learn to meditate. All along the way, I was helping others as I helped myself. 

Amazing God (my HP)! A “simple kit of spiritual tools” solved the problem. I was protected from myself, a position of neutrality with food. I was not cured, but in a remission of symptoms of a disease that had been eroding the fabric of my life. 

What did I learn? God (my HP) loves me and will help me with any concern if I let him, especially the small stuff I think I should be able to handle myself. I do not have to do everything for everybody (Type E woman). I added NO to my vocabulary. You gain weight the same way you lose weight: adopt a sensible plan of eating and stick with it. Self-care is not selfish. Virtue is in the middle-balance and moderation in all things. 

In summary, my relationship with God (my HP) is paramount. Steps Three and Step Eleven are the glue of Twelve Step living. Open your heart and hands; you are no longer alone.

— N.J., Illinois