Make amends if you found any….how about yourself???
Principal of step 9 is LOVE. I suggest this month to look at 1. Have I always loved myself 2. When did I discover that I do and 3. What do I do today to show that I do love myself. Some are doing this. Should I have heard the groans on this first question? I believe that we come to a Twelve Step Program not liking ourselves very much. Just listen to people’s leads.
Think we’ll concentrate on forgiveness and love in this letter. If we haven’t forgiven ourselves something, how can we forgive others. I think forgiveness has to start with self. This does not mean that we condone or support everything we have done. It means that we own it. We accept that we were in the wrong, and then we move on. However sometimes when we recognize we are in the wrong, we slip into our self-centerness, so absorbed and arrogant that often we never reach the stage of forgiveness. Oh there we go again the SELF….self….self….self. Spent too many years on the self prior to OA, not willing to go back there again, too painful. So when we recognize we are in the wrong…it’s time to forgive and move on. If we can’t do that for ourselves how can we ever forgive others? We all need to give and receive forgiveness. I think this is part of being a human being. In our disease we have all done harm to those closest to us. We hurt those we loved the most. I guess it is part of this brutal disease. So to forgive brings relief and care. Forgive ourselves for our actions and forgive others who did not act kindly toward us. When forgiving ourselves and others, be simple, direct, no fanfare. As Dr. Bob would say KEEP IT SIMPLE.
If I still have amends to make to myself or others, I just don’t want to carry all this baggage around anymore. It is just too heavy. Such lightness and freedom in forgiving. And with that lightness and freedom, it is so much easier to love ourselves and others. Sometimes a smile, or a prayer or just listening. I know I need others. We at least most of us live in isolation while in our disease and that was a painful way to live. We don’t need to live that way anymore. I can express my love today and assure my loved ones and my program friends that they are needed. What a wonderful, healthy life. Love is not controlling. Love is placing another’s personal needs above our own, without regret. Love is selfless. Wanting love is a normal human desire, not one we should deny. And we shall receive love, the less our emphasis is on getting it, and more on giving it.
Being loved and knowing that we are loved, assures us of our connection to the world outside of ourselves. At times we do feel unloved. The wonders of love are many. Love is a healing balm for our wounds.
And it nurtures, both the one loving, and the one loved. Love is an energizer. If we aren’t feeling loved, we can love someone else, and probably love will visit us, too.
So today take a look around and give some love to a friend who needs it.
– Anonymous