“. . . when I’m abstinent, I feel good; when I’m into the food, my life is unmanageable”
With over seventeen years in program, I have seen and done it all. My food plans have gone from reasonable adherence, to full out dishonesty. I have had significant abstinence and terrible relapses. My mind and body belong to two different people during these wild swings.
But ultimately, I have learned that when I am honestly abstinent, I feel so much better in many ways. My head is clear. My body is stronger. I have more energy. I am more optimistic about the world around me. It does not mean that my life is trouble free – far from it. But learning to meditate and let go of the things I cannot change helps a lot. That is still a work in progress, and I will not solve all the problems in my little corner of the world. But letting go, one day at a time can give me one day of peace.
When I am abstinent, I live with gratitude, not resentment. Despite some family struggles. I keep plugging along.
When I am in relapse and heavily into the sugar, I am a very different person. I often wonder why my husband stayed with me all those years. And it wasn’t just my weight, my obesity and size 3X clothes. I was impatient with him, the kids and other people, places, and things. I was angry a lot and in looking back, I don’t know why. I had a wonderful husband, four great children and a roof over my head. Something many people would appreciate.
My disease, which I didn’t know I had, was percolating and growing inside of me.
But I can’t look back and change the past. All I can do is focus on today and be grateful that I found OA when I did. Thank you H.P.
– Carol B.